Off Topic but On Point -- Tiger Moms

Dear Ms. Chua,

Don't make me laugh.

Jewish mothers, of kids and pups, to use one example, cannot be Tiger moms, ever. I don't care if you were a refugee from Hitler and ended up in the Jewish ghetto in Shanghai. I don't care if you are one of the Cochin Jews, descended from The Ten Lost Tribes, and re-converted back to Judaism in the late twentieth century, after two millenia thinking you were Chinese Confucians. The thing you ask is genetically impossible.

You see, first and foremost, Chinese children arrive in armadas, they rain down from the heavens and swell the planet; so much so that their nasty national dictatorship feels the need to limit this endless arriving. Jewish children on the other hand (1 million of whom were murdered in the Holocaust) are a dwindling breed. Indeed, the Jewish people has not yet replaced the six million souls lost in history's greatest Pogrom. We're a people of 16 million worldwide, while in one Chinese town alone you can find that many individuals ( but how individual are they really allowed to be?).

So, Ms. Chua, you think we're going to leave one of these endangered creatures out on the porch in a snowstorm because the three-year old made us a birthday card and colored outside the lines? Hunh! We're going to photograph the hell out of that scribbled card, email it to all our relatives, friends and casual acquaintances, then tape it to the fridge and slap colored stars all over it. After which we will smother the little one with kisses and coos of praise, tell her she's the greatest thing since chopped liver (which, when my mother makes it, is very great indeed: the secret is shmaltz), fasten the top button of her sweater, even though the thermometer on the back door registers seventy degrees, and nag (I mean encourage) her to draw another picture -- maybe right now! We will get out the crayons and construction paper and prepare our trembling bosoms to behold the bloom of genius. We trust our children, you see. 

We would never resort to screaming and ridicule. That's abuse! We urge, repeat ourselves, beg, nag, cajole, ask the child to make mummy proud, etc. Keep those crayons lying about just in case. Enroll the child in an art course for toddlers. That sort of thing. Gentle. Non-coercive. I'll bet it works as often as your method, Ms. Chua. Haven't you ever heard of Freud?

Sugar, I tell you, would not stand for your type of discipline. Never. She would whine till I couldn't stand it for another second, and then I'd give her a biscuit from my palm and pray she quiets down. You see, I already know she's the genius of the canine kingdom, and some day, she'll draw me that picture. It is not totally far-fetched. Her breeder tells me her sire, Prince, knows 250 English words. Do you know that many, Ms. Chua? And woof isn't one of them.

Yes, still brain-diminished, dear reader, but hang on with hope and fortitude. Sugar's only beginning her second week with her Jewish mother.