Canine Gastronomy

Sugar has news for Purina. And Iams; and the makers of canned organic dog food; and all producers of kibble. Sugar, a Poodle puppy, speaking for all canines, does not like to eat the same food every day. Call her picky, but she's made it clear to her Human. Three times a day I present her with expensive dog food. And three times a day, what does she do? She meanders towards the bowl, sniffs at if once or twice as though it's full of dead bugs, then turns tail and high-steps it back to her toys.

Not to worry, Animalists of the world. I'm not starving her. She does her obedience work (a ruse for giving her rich treats) and manages to snaffle down quantities of pickled tongue, Kosher hot dogs (all beef, low fat, low sodium), turkey chili, Kings' chopped liver, and Scottish smoked salmon wheels filled with veggie cream cheese. These, she eats like a hog (pardon me, Sugar, should you ever learn to read, for the unflattering allusion).

In fact, we went to the vet for her second checkup today, and Sugar has gained 25% of her former body weight. She's gone from 3 pounds to 4, in three weeks. I was nervous at the vet's, afraid I'd come up short, that Dr. Lauren would eye me as some kind of ogre, that Sugar would be underweight because she doesn't eat the three "wholesome" meals daily I've been brainwashed by the pet food industry to put before her in her pink bowl.

So, after her recovery from her two shots, one against rabies that really hurt, and after vomiting in her carry-all in the car on the way home, I allowed her digestive system to rest for awhile while I tried to figure out how to craft the proper diet for a tiny canine.

Dinner time arrived. I got out the pink bowl. I was thinking kibble, I was thinking can. Sugar gazed at me. I gazed back at her. I reached for the huge bag of healthy-for-the-teeth organic kibble. Sugar whimpered and tilted her ears.

Then it hit me. A house pet is not an animal, really. A house pet is a member of the household.

Sugar's not stupid. Poodles are the geniuses of dogdom. She sees what we eat. She gets the scraps in so-called training sessions and when her Human just feels generous. She knows. We don't eat the same food every day.

I hope that Purina and Iams and all the other dog food manufacturers don't try to advertise on this site (fat chance), because they'd have a rude awakening. Sugar's Human broke all the rules for puppy feeding. Here's what I gave her for din-din: a bit of kibble  (her teeth! who wants to take a chance?) totally masked by a spoonful of chopped liver, all moistened with chicken soup -- with noodles and veggies, of course. This Sugar gulped down with the kind of abandon every mother loves to see in her young. She ate a real meal! In her pink bowl. Not from my fingers. I was kvelling. I praised her to high heaven. Gave her an extra piece of lox.

So what's the moral of the story? I believe it is that all sentient beings love variety. We don't want to eat the same meals every day, we don't want to think the same thoughts every day (though we mostly do), we abhor a life of endless monotony. We don't really believe advertising.

When you bring a Poodle puppy into your home you must assume that the puppy will grow to be like you. And so Sugar has: We like the same foods, we like them switched around, we're both kind of beige-ish blond, we both don't like to get really dirty, we both like to kiss on the lips, we both like to eat frequently and in small quantities. Maybe there's some truth to adage that Humans resemble their dogs. I'm not sure though in our case who's influencing whom. But I'm sure of one thing: food is the key to intimacy. When you know what your significant others, any one of them, likes to eat, you hold the key to his or her heart. I want to hold and turn that key. Because I think I'm in love. Puppy love is like baby love: so special, so warm, so lovely. It lifts one to a higher sphere of experience. Knowing what gives your little loved one pleasure: so simple, so pure.